Fantasy Surprise, Surprise

In college (Go Vandals!) we had a wonderful euphemism for taking a shit in the bathrooms of the Lionel Hampton Music Building, which was conveniently just across the street from our fraternity. "Pitching a Hampton," was an endearing term for avoiding our decrepit heads and, instead, basking in the sounds of classic jazz and clean smells that filled the bathrooms of the Hampton building -- while pooping. I never really thought about it, but I suppose "Pitching a Hampton," could just as easily apply to Mike Hampton and his painful, smelly career since 2001. (Note: Hampton is really nice guy, I met him when he spoke at my high school, but I just couldn't resist.)

Interestingly, I recently found this:


Mike Hampton by the numbers:

121,000,000 = dollars in contract
15,000,000 = salary for 2008
2,000,000 = dollars teams spent per Hampton win since 2001
53 = number of wins since 2001
22 = rank on list of largest sports contracts in history
8 = years in contract
3 = years since Hampton played a game in the majors
1 = injuries already suffered in 2008
0 = reasons to draft Hampton in fantasy baseball

I tried to calculate a chance/percentage/likelihood of Hampton surprising me anyone, but that would have required dividing by zero, and everyone knows only Chuck Norris can do that.
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